If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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