Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
