are you still at the devil's house?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
