that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
