My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
