I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize