Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
