u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
