you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
