Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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