he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
