Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
