wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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