I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
