she was so not down for the gang bang
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize