no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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