He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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