There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
