so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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