I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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