How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
