We're like a lot better than the average bears
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
