It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
