If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
