Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize