Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it's like iHOP with fire
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
