The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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