would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize