I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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