I just pynch a tree in the face
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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