Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am available for nakedness
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
