the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
