im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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