Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
