Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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