i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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