The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
