I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
