3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
