I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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