Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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