you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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