I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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