So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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