like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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