I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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