I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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