Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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