So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
