Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
