Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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