so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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