My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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