Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
