does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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