just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize