Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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