no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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