she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize