I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
