Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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