Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he was CRYING into my vagina
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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