We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
