Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize