there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
