I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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