After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
