Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
