You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
