Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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