Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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