When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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