Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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