dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
