She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
