Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
