cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
