Non-Jews are for practice
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
