I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
