I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
