Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My ass is underappreciated
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
