Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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