Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
