Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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