Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize