normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
