Got a toothbrush?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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