a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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