Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
