You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
