is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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