rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
